Confession 1 cont.
One cold winter night in Boise, Idaho I was walking to my car from work. To my amazement I saw my body from college, wearing shorts and a t-shirt. I walk up to him and ask whats wrong but he said that the cops are watching him and sure enough they were and the guys he was with ditched him. I talked to the cop and he let me take him back to school. Stinking of alcohol I told him that he was fine and that I would take him back to the dorms. The issue was that it began to snow and while going 60 mph on the high way my truck started to slide until i lost all control and we slammed head on into a cement wall. I wasn't wearing a seat belt but I was fine and about 30 minutes later a cop showed up and rewarded me with a 90 dollar ticket. With bipolar we have what they being the psych society call triggers. Finances is definitely one of my triggers and this accident drove me into a deep depression. I lost my truck and couldn't afford rent. Now I faced a car payment on top of that and with that being said I had to move back home. I bought a mustang about a month later and saved enough money to trick it out. While working at the same job as the one I mentioned early, I decided to drink and drive. After work we all went to the bars and had a splendid time but when I drove home I ran my car off the road and damaged it pretty severely. I road two miles on a rim and that ended up tearing up the side of my car due to sparks. That night I attempted suicide for the last time. I took 40000 mg of my medication and 15 ib's. My mom woke up the next morning feeling sick so she decided to stay home. She came in my room seeing me puking on myself and said that I needed to move out. My living situation at the time was sad. I lived in a storage room where one could hardly even make it to the bed because of boxes and such. She came into my room an hour later and again found me puking but then saw all the pills and called 911. They took me to the hospital where I spent a night and then they took me to the psych ward. The ward has a lot of bad publicity when really this place was awesome. I was around crazy people like me and the food was unbelievable. Who doesn't want some bacon wrapped hotdogs!? I spent three days there and then got released and it happened to be on the day of the superbowl. When I got home I found my storage room turned into one of the coolest rooms I've ever seen. My parents put a lot of work to make it awesome looking and got me a puppy. Brees is my BorderAussie and while my parents have him now since i'm at college, I love that dog more than I love a lot of people. I got a job as a Freshman baseball coach and it was here I found out that I still love baseball. I started emailing coaches and one was PRCC in Mississippi and sure enough they called 5 minutes after I sent the email. That is where my story is still moving forward. I picked up my board and I walked up that mountain and I will reach the top and find that beautiful girl. So If you like what you read, keep on reading!!! I will be adding one daily. Write a comment or just keep on coming.
In reading this, a flood of emotions were brought back. I wish there was a blog spot for parents who love a child who has Bipolar. This event rocked our world. My initial reaction when finding you was anger. I thought that you had been out drinking and wrecked your car, period. I didn’t know that your body was fighting for life because of what you had ingested. I’ll never forget finding that empty prescription bottle next to your bed. My heart aches, to this day, at the thought of losing you. I remember calling 911. I remember the officers who first arrived, and then the paramedics. I remember calling your dad and how quickly he came home. He was also overcome with fear. The Police Chief that spoke with us and then later came to the hospital, to talk to you, was so compassionate. I remember that he treated you with empathy and respect. I don’t know if you remember, but I never left your side while you were in the ER, and then taken to your own room in the hospital. Cindy and Mike immediately jumped in their car and drove from Washington to Idaho to be supportive. I remember reading your suicide note on your phone. You planned every detail, down to giving a friend the code to our garage so that they would find your body while dad and I were at work the next day. That’s when the reality of what you’d been living with day in and day out was made so clear to us. Visiting you in the locked down St. Al’s Behavior Health Center was almost more than I could bear. I had never had an anxiety attack before then. For several days I cried non-stop and couldn’t catch a full breath. It felt like someone large was sitting on my chest and I was suffocating. I sought help from our family doctor. Dad and I also went to counseling. We desperately wanted to know what we could do to help you know that you weren’t alone and that you were loved. Week after week, we learned that some of the things that we were doing were actual triggers for you. I’m thankful to God to be out of that dark season of life. I’ve told you before that I love SO many things about you, your smile, your laugh, your desire to know more about who God is, your compassion, your passion of knowledge, your thoughtfulness, and your protective spirit, just to name a few. Dad and I believe in YOU and will NEVER stop loving you. We may be caring for Brees, since you’re in college, but he will always be YOUR boy! I love you - Mom
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